Forever is so long

To think of forever without Aaron destroys me.  How do you actually go on without someone you need and want so much in your life? I ask myself this everyday.  The pain never seems to dissipate, luckily neither do the memories.  The memories are the only thing we have left, it just seems so unrealistic to think that those have to last me FOREVER.  Forever is so long and the pain of forever is frightning.  I only hope someday, somehow there will be some relief.
FOREVER, your little sister, Sam

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[Sam]

I can't wish you to be here enough. You wouldn't believe what we have all become, or maybe you would. I have a feeling your presence would help some of us a lot. I miss my brothers, I miss the way we once were. Ironically, it was so much easier then.

[Cari]

Last night I had the first positive dream about Aaron since he has been gone. It's funny how the mind works. If you want something bad enough, your mind can make it happen in your sleep. It's a shame I had to wake up to reality.

I love you and I miss you. I hope our paths cross again.

[Mom]

Mothers Day was horrible! As were the two weeks leading up to it. I know I would have seen you at some point that day and you would have had that great big hug and your awesome smile. So many people caused you pain in your life. I did too. I wish I could change that, and I can't. It was nice to hear Sam tell me you had said "anytime you asked me for anything I never let you down". That simple statement helps.
I remember the look in your eyes the day you came to me and told me your Dad had said he had never wanted any of you. The pain was so evident. I couldn't answer you when you asked why anyone would say something like that. All I could tell you was I had wanted you from the beginning and still did. Yet, I knew that couldn't stop the torment of rejection you felt from those you loved.
You were definately missing from Laurens party. Do you know she still plays in that great little house you got her last year?
I have your pictures everywhere so I can always see your face. I will never forget.
Your brother is a father now. And I can't help but think how Maxim would have loved you. The kids always do. You play with them like the best Uncle in the world. How unfotunate for him that he will miss that. I hope he can one day ride the mini bike in your honor. I think Matthew wants that too. He has taken all the parts and says he is going to get it together. From the good days of your and Matts childhood to the good day of Max's. He is a beautiful little boy. I hope he is allowed to know how much he is loved by all of us and would have been by you.

[Jessica]

Today is Lauren's birthday party. I have mixed emotions about it. It was her party a year ago that we last spoke. Looking back, I feel like it was my last chance to do something to fix things. It was nice seeing you that day. I enjoyed our conversations.

I dream about you almost every night. You are usually wearing the same white shirt you were wearing at Laurens party. Thankfully, you are always smiling as well.

I wish you could be there today. You will be missed.

Jessica