Wow

The last few days have been a blur for our family.  It's hard to believe that 5 days have gone by since Aaron died.  There's been a lot of crying and very little sleeping or eating.   As I had lunch with my family today and looked around the table everyone looked physically and emotionally drained....

BUT, something is different since yesterday.  It seems that at least part of the raw grief has been lifted.  Don't get me wrong, if any of us allow certain thoughts to enter our minds we could go from laughing to crying almost instantly.  But, it is a little different.

When I walked into the funeral home yesterday, I was immediately overcome by the smell of flowers.  It was completely overwhelming.  Despite the haze I was in, I couldn't help but notice.  As I walked around the facility the reason became apparent.  There were flowers and plants everywhere and I mean everywhere.   So many wanted to pay their respects. The rooms were literally overflowing....

More than two hours before the service people started showing up.  They kept coming...and coming.  After about 30 min my sister, Samantha, said to me, "I don't think they're going to have enough seats."  I replied, "I know...it's awesome." 

Time passed.  Still more people.  I started to feel overwhelmed.  I thought I might actually pass out.  It was odd.  The whole thing, of course, is so much more than odd... it's wrong.  But in that moment it just felt..odd.   I went and hid as best I could from the countless faces that kept showing up.  Aaron was the social one.  Not me.  And what could I say?  What could people say to me?   For the most part we'd stand there looking at eachother trying to find something to say but mostly fearful of saying the wrong thing (whatever that might be).

As the time of the service drew near, my wife and I headed into the funeral home.  The crowd was ENORMOUS.  We literally had to weave and push our way to the crowd. I just kept thinking "This is awesome."

The service started late because the staff was scrambling to find more chairs for people.  The funeral home actually borrowed chairs from other local funeral homes...and STILL did not have enough.   

If you were there, you know the service was very moving.   It was difficult, but it was good.  During the time that I spoke I kept thinking to myself... "wow".  I could see hundreds of people from my vantage point at the podium but I knew there were so many more around the corners, down the halls, and in the lobby just trying to be part it. 

It was the hottest ticket in town.

As I was finishing my eulogy, I couldn't help but comment on what is the most impressive thing I've seen in my life.... I often wonder If I'm living my life well, if I'm a good man, if I'm living up to my potential.  I want to measure it.  I want to know.  I feel I need to know.  How can any of us know if we've lived a good life?  Standing there in front of all of those people who were touched so deeply by my little brother the answer was very clear.   

Well over 600 people attended his memorial service.  So many more came and left before the service.  I asked the funeral director when the last time was that so many people attended a service and his reply was, "I don't know...it's been a very long time."   

I suspect it will be a very long time until the next one as well.  Wow.

Matthew Smith

Comments

[Mom]

Almost impossible to believe you would have been 33 today. I can still remember toting you around as an infant and the people who stopped to comment on how beautiful you were. I remember being excited cause you actually were born with hair! Never thought you would let it grow so long. I miss you Aaron, you are loved and held in my heart every day. I know I will see you again and I can't wait.

[Mom]

I miss you baby boy

[Deby Voorhis]

Aaron was a fantastic kid. For those of you who missed the eulogies, they were really great tributes. I really liked hearing Matt read the letter that Aaron had written. And Claudia's talking about how mechanical Aaron was at such a young age. He was a lot like his grandpa that way. He was a very talented young man. You all did so well with your eulogies......it must have been so hard writing them. But I am glad you were able to share them with us. Take care and keep in touch. Love, Deby

[a friend]

Aaron Patrick Smith.........Fred Henderson Smith Jr. loves you and when the lord calls him home, he will meet you in the "Kingdom of Heaven" for an everlasting relationship.

[Darla Evans]

What a special family you are. Claudia, you have Buzz have done a remarkable job with your children. It is always so sad that it takes something so horrible for everyone to realize how much they love and are loved. God Bless you all!

[tracie]

WOW WHAT A GREAT PERSON AARON MUST HAVE BEEN AND WHAT A GREAT FAMILY HE HAD

LOVE YOU ALL

TRACIE